Today is Stevo and I’s seven year anniversary, each year for our anniversary we get out of Sydney or wherever we are living and drink lots of wine and eat lots of good food to celebrate our love. Last year was Mudgee, the year before that was the Barossa. This year is very different.

If you read my blog post a month or so ago you would’ve read about my health troubles and how (so I thought) I had come to a diagnosis and from then onwards it was a hard but upward battle of my journey back to health. Boy, was I wrong.

9 weeks ago my doctor diagnosed me with Hashimoto’s disease, he gave me some medicine and sent me on my way. Great! I was sure my life would be uphill from here onwards. 3 weeks ago, I had been on that same medication for 6 weeks and things started to go haywire. I started to feel completely crazy, I was getting heart palpitations, chest pain, trouble breathing (he told I had asthma!) and my mind was somewhere I don’t think anyone would want to be. I went back to my doctor and asked if this could be the medication, he shrugged it off and said its not much, you’ll be fine. I wasn’t convinced with this answer and sought out a new doctor, I got more bloods and she had no idea why I had been put on this medication. My thyroid bloods were a little out of whack, I had some antibodies indicating Hashimoto’s but it was something that should’ve been monitored. I was shocked. I was putting all these thyroid hormones into my body that I didn’t even need. Can you imagine how bad that is for your body?

That’s when everything started going downhill. After 8 weeks of being on this medication, I began to have seizures. When people think of seizures or epilepsy, the first thing they think of is falling to the floor shaking. Well, I know thats what I thought. This is not the kind that I have been diagnosed with, they are partial seizures coming from my temporal lobe. None the less, they are still very scary and I become very confused and disorientated afterwards and to explain bluntly, it kind of feels like my head may explode.

I kept telling my mum and Stevo ‘I feel funny’ and having to go lie down all the time, we kind of brushed it off until I had a bad one at home and luckily my mum was here to call an ambulance, we spent the night in hospital, talking to neurologists, nurses and doctors, getting a EEG and another MRI. The EEG came back as slightly abnormal that’s when the neurologist said he is going to treat it as a mild form of epilepsy and I will have to go on medication to control the seizures and hopefully reduce them… what? No driving for 6 months (I had a laugh at this because people can stop giving me shit for only have my learners now haha), very minimal drinking, no baths alone and no deep sea diving. I couldn’t believe it.

This has completely cut my confidence in half, I haven’t left the house in weeks. I’m terrified of whats to come and to have any sort of seizure in public. I don't want this to define who I am but I look back on photos and think damn, I had it so good and I never even realised. It’s tough. I have no idea if these will be something I will have for life or if it was the thyroid medication I never even needed that set them off. Either way, I feel extremely vulnerable, anxious and I know its going to take a lot to get my confidence back and I need my body to prove to me that I’m going to be okay. In the grand scheme of things, it’s not the worse thing I could have wrong with me but for someone who's been healthy 24 years of their life and doing everything and anything they wanted, it’s a shock to the system that my body is backfiring on me. When all you want is to be healthy and spend time with your friends like a normal twenty-something, its really really tough.

So, if you’ve wondered why my feed consists mainly of flatlays and my dog recently… It’s because I’ve been in bed the past few weeks trying to cope with this new medication and trying to figure out how I’m going to ‘do’ life in the current state my body is at. It’s going to take me a while to gain my confidence back and have faith that the universe has a plan for me. For the moment, I want to tell you to embrace your healthy, young bodies and your brain working as it should. It’s such a blessing that we far too often forget about while we are out on a Saturday night 10 wines deep dancing under the strobe lights with our best friends.

I decided to write this today because its our anniversary and Mother’s Day and I’m so bloody lucky that Stevo and my mum have been with me through all of this, I honestly don’t know where I would be without both of them. They’ve sat with me through the hospital visits, the doctors appointments and the tears.

Love always,

Tash x